Why I'm Unplugging

October 16, 2017

 My last blog was about the perfect trip I had to California but since that trip, everything hasn’t been so perfect.  The first few days back I felt so drained of energy, which I know was partly from me flying across the country but more so me going nonstop before the trip, during it, and still now.  You should have seen my first day back working out at TriFit Barbell.  My body was in such shock but thank goodness it’s starting to come around and really, thank goodness because working out at TriFit is my biggest stress reliever.  I knew though after being in fast paced Los Angeles, it would definitely take some time getting back into the groove of South Carolina.

     The biggest piece of advice I got from being in LA was that I NEEDED to get followers on my Instagram and Twitter pages.  From strangers to my friends who had moved out west to even a television show writer, I was told the amount of followers you have makes the biggest impact for you getting a gig.  I was a bit discouraged hearing this because in my world, if I’m ever out with my family or friends, I want to give them all of my attention and not even have my phone out but if that’s what is going to help me expand my opportunities, I will try.  Starting fresh off the plane, I was snapping, tweeting, and 'gramming everything I thought would attract people but one of the lowest moments I’ve had since being back was when I was on stage this past Thursday at Fall for Greenville.  After introducing the band, I thought that would be the best time to ask people to find me on my social media platforms but immediately after saying it, I felt so embarrassed! I didn't like that I was up their plugging myself because I've always thought, 'if someone respects what I'm doing, they'll seek out myself and my work' however, I did have some new people follow me after just asking them to so I tried to erase the shame I was feeling for that little success. Of course I wanted to make sure I gave those followers something to see but the obsession got to the point where I was putting my real friends on the back burner.  I never have my phone out when I’m with people so it was already a different kind of feeling for me but the most negative emotion I felt was distance from the people I love.  How ironic that I was doing something that was supposed to bring me closer to people but in fact was drawing me farther away?

      So last night I was thinking of how I was going to approach this week to get closer to my dreams and I was dreading even the thought of posting to Instagram or Snapchat.  I don’t want to ask anyone to “follow me”, rather I want them to decide I’m someone they want in their life.  I know, even if I ask, they choose to add me but asking people to follow me gives me such a wave of pressure to perform.  Unless I have a script in my hand, I just want to be Jillana without judgement so lying in bed, I decided I was going to take at least a week off from posting to social media.  I’m going to refocus on my goals and the path I’m taking to get there.  I know through my faith in God, I’ll get back to feeling my most motivated!  If you already follow me on Twitter, Snapchat, or Instagram, we’ll see if I come back but until then, thank you so much for your support! 

PS- Think about unplugging yourself this week.  Life is too precious to spend looking down at a device!