January 3, 2018

If your New Year's resolution is to drop some pounds in 2018, we can help with this list of The Top Tips for Losing Weight:


-Drop your husband.  Just like that:  325 pounds gone!

-Buy one of those fancy Peloton indoor bikes, which will then make you too broke to afford food.

-Replace between-meal snacks with cocaine.  Right, supermodels?

-Ask yourself, "Do I really want to blend in at Walmart?"

-Instead of fries, order a salad.  Unless it's alongside a Triple Baconator.  Then, screw it.  You may as well go down swinging.

-Run a lap around your block every time Trump tweets.

-Skip breakfast.  And lunch.  And dinner.  Hey, you can't be fat when you're dead!

-Do whatever Oprah did in 1997, 2003, 2008, and 2013.

-Buy a FitBit.  Get the chocolate one.  It's delicious!

-Avoid ordering appetizers with a quirky apostrophe in the name.

-Promise yourself you won't eat any desserts until they start making good Batman movies again.

-Get lap band surgery.  Hey, it worked for Chris Christie!  That's sarcasm.

-Eat right and exercise.  Kidding!  Pop pills that ravage your liver.  Hahaha!!!!


Good luck in  2018..